Once again, it is that magical time of the year… The Holidays~ oh the fun, the food, the family feuds…
But not to forget the… many bottles of WINE!!
Let’s face facts~ The holidays are coming whether we like it or not. Time to get prepared.
I find that with wine… I get better results than with mistletoe.
PRO SURVIVAL TIPS: Have a plan. Never go into a situation unprepared. Keep a glass of wine in your hand AT ALL TIMES. Once the holidays begin… it can seem like FOREVER before the shitshow is finally over.
Drinking wine can make the obnoxious uncle jokes or the political ‘discussion’ at the dinner table… that much more bearable. Big pours in your glass!!
Getting through the long months of holidays can be a little difficult, but with the right wine by your side, you can survive.
Just like how many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie roll pop… How many bottles of wine… DOES it take to survive the holiday months ahead?
And why are the holidays so difficult anyways? I think the answer to these questions may be complex… by which I mean… maybe we should just drink wine instead.
Here are some simple algorithms that I have completely made up to help you calculate your own personal holiday wine needs:
For every gift that you have to wrap= a glass of wine
Each family member visiting= a glass of wine
(Your mother: make it a bottle)
Going on another shopping trip?= have 1 glass for each store
Find yourself binge eating chocolate?= a glass of wine (red pairs nice)
Neighbor’s child just got a new drum kit from Santa= a glass of wine
Built a snowman in the front yard= you deserve the whole bottle
Last day of kids holiday break from school?= a glass of wine (or two)
Trying to find a parking space at the mall= I bet the wine bar has parking!
Visit the wine aisle, you’re gonna need it.
Here are some common problems one may face during the holiday season and some helpful tips on how to deal with them…
YOUR HOLIDAY QUESTIONS ANSWERED
I’ve ordered gifts online and they HAVE NOT ARRIVED yet. I really want to check the shipping company website again. Or maybe I should call?
Pour yourself a glass of wine. Turn off your phone & internet. Enjoy.
Mark from the office just started talking politics at the company office party? Should I voice my opinion?
Pour yourself a glass of wine. Walk away.
I have been to seven stores now trying to find the pink furber baby doll and they only have the yellow one. Little Sally really wants the pink one. I have been driving around all day looking and I still can’t find her the right one. Should I check more stores or call the warehouse?
Pour yourself a glass of wine. Buy the yellow one tomorrow.
My family has arrived for the holidays. Best survival strategy?
Pour yourself a glass of wine. ** Big continuous pours in your glass all week. Consider a wine i.v. drip for additional support needs.
I find myself humming christmas tunes throughout the day. What are the most popular songs for the holidays?
Pour yourself a glass of wine. Seek help. Christmas music is obnoxious.
During the holidays I find people around me to be more overbearing and in my personal business, what is the best tactic to use with these folks?
Pour yourself a glass of wine. Initiate avoidance tactics.
You can see the thought and effort that went into the above solutions. Years of my own personal research and sacrifice. These are all solutions that even the most untrained of wine lovers can implement themselves.
I can offer you the following quality assurance warranty – My holidays are ALWAYS more merry, once the cork is pulled and I believe that yours will be too.
Hope this provided you with a smile for your day and the motivation to get up and… Pour another glass of course!
I’m not sure you could find a more useless holiday guide…haha. But I bet you smiled. Mission accomplished.
With all the fun and shenanigans above… it is ALWAYS IMPORTANT to celebrate the holidays safely and to drink responsibly. Stay safe.